Candice Buttons

Right Now

I am sad.

 Right now I’m lying in my bed, a restless 4 year old by my side. My tiny son breathing gently in his bassinet. My little girl is sleeping soundly in her room. My giant 6 year old is sleeping too. My husband is playing video games downstairs and I hear him laughing and joking with mumbly voices in his headset. I am grateful to be safe right now. I am grateful that my family is here with me. That my children are sleeping soundly. That the scariest thing they’ve experienced is a day without screens for acting up. 

Tomorrow I will wake to the sound of tiny voices. Laughing and bright. Telling stories, showing me things, asking what we’re having for dinner (because they still haven’t figured out the breakfast/lunch/dinner system). And I will get busy. And I will laugh with them. Smile with them. Breath with them. I will be caught up in my life, in my gratitude. 

But, right now? It feels like the world is falling apart. The “what if’s” are creeping in. This world is convulsing in pain and I can feel it in my bones. 

So for right now, 

I am sad. 

C

2 thoughts on “Right Now”

  1. Indeed, friend. I can completely relate. There is this dreaded feeling of “are we next? Will it all crash down on us, too?” There is a wonder of where the bottom is, this prayer that it won’t get worse. Could it possibly get worse? Then the prayers come… for mercy and healing, for protection and calm.

    The spirits of so many mothers are doing as you do, feeling a bit of relief and gratitude…yet crying out in collective pain.

    I’m sorry for your sadness. I share it with you. I’m grateful for your safe babies just as I’m grateful for my own. Maybe that is all we can do right now…

    1. A collective outstretched hand. Mother to mother. Sister to brother. All around the world. That is what we need right now. The world is a tough place right now. Know that you are not alone either. ❤️

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